Lampang weekend

Went to Lampang a couple weekends ago for TTC. Am now officially TEFL certified, much good may it do me. It's only a 60 hour certification, and most English teaching jobs require double that. 

In all, it wasn't a complete waste of a weekend. It was really good to see everyone, and I met the newest member of our program, a girl named Emily. She's with the Chaiyaphum group, came in from UGA at the beginning of August. She seems really nice, I look forward to more group shenanigans to get to know her more. 

I got to Lampang that Friday with Ben, we'd left school early. Checked in to our usual Kim City hotel, and found there were already a good few folks there. We had to meet in the conference room for the beginning of our panel discussions, which were about our experiences in our towns teaching as well as  what we thought about orientation and how helpful it was for our lives now. After much riveting discussion, we had dinner and adjourned early. Everyone else went out to bars and clubs, but I just wasn't feeling it and ended up going back to the room and read instead. Turned in early.

Saturday was fairly slow. We had more panel discussions and then had dinner together in the meeting room. That night we went out again. Bou, Amaka, Char and I accompanied Chase, Nabi,l and Sean to watch a football game. We ended up at a local Thai bar that was playing three, back to back. After a little while, Ben and Merhawi joined us. I left around 1130 as everyone else went to another bar and wandered around Lampang for a while. I found a lot of great junk! Got back to the hotel around 1230 and went to bed.

Got up Sunday morning and went down to breakfast. Turns out the Sunday meeting was rather pointless, all TTC wanted from us was a quote and a bio for their website. Sent them a quote, thanks to Howard for the assist: "I came to Thailand because it was here, because this place offered me experiences so far beyond my hometown as to be nearly alien in nature. I came because Thailand was here, but I have stayed because of my students, because of these wonderful chatterboxes of culture and inquiry. I give them a second language. They give me a second life." 

I promise you, it is intended with every bit of sarcasm you think it is :). Still haven't turned in a bio. Oops. 

After we all realized the Sunday morning meeting was just info wrangling, we parted ways and hung around Lampang. Bou, Nabil, Amaka and I all went to get a massage at the place we like that's right in front of Kim City Hotel. Then we went to a local farang hangout where i had a delicious fajita. Mmmmexican. Weekend overall was nice and relaxing, and I had a good time with folks I don't see very often. 

Pai times

I am the worst at blogging regularly. 

I left school a little early on the 9th, as I was headed to Chiang Mai to visit the doc. Didn't end up happening, but I had a night in Chiang Mai nonetheless. Ben and Char were supposed to be headed to Pai but as I was sitting in the common room at Deejai, they came waltzing in. We headed out for some dinner, and ended up at a little Italian place inside old city. Char and I got pizza, which was alright but did not satisfy us like the ones at Duke's. we found ourselves next at a stand by Tapae Gate called Cocktail Cycle Chiang Mai. It was elevated and we climbed up to sit onto padded bicycle seats. We spent about three hours talking to the bartender, Mr. Keng. Definitely going back there. 

After that we ended up at a club called Spicy, which I only mostly remember. Apparently that night was my first ride in a tuk-tuk, but I certainly don't remember that. 

Somehow I got back to the hostel; I woke up at 5 in the bathroom shower, water running. I got up, crawled into bed and went to sleep. 

We all headed to Pai Saturday around noon. It was a long, wind-y, three hour trip through the mountains. Char and I were in the van of a man who clearly thought he was a race car driver. Between slamming on brakes and driving squarely in the middle of the road, we had an interesting ride. In Pai, it took us about 45 minutes to walk to our hostel; Darling View Point was a good several kilometers from the bus station. It was a beautiful walk though with some great views overlooking the city and the river. We were in an old style Thai house that had been converted into a dorm style hostel, beds on the floor and everything.

We had dinner at a local place called Maya Burger Queen. It was delicious, although Gekko Gardens in Chiang Mai is better. We sat at a place just down the road called Ting Tong and chilled for a few hours after that. A cool German dude named Elias made our acquaintance and we sat and talked to him and other farang for a good while. We turned in around midnight with an agreement to meet Elias for breakfast the next morning.

We met Elias at the concrete bridge near our hostel around 9 and headed to a little Thai restaurant for breakfast. I had a delicious omelet with tomatoes and onion and some toast. And coffee. Always coffee. We went to a little place called Aya after that and rented motorbikes. Pai is a lot more fun with motorbikes. After we filled up the tanks, we went to a waterfall north of the city. It was a really fun ride even though it was full of potholes and shittily maintained roads. 

The water was freezing, but I got in anyway. The waterfall was really pretty. We stayed for about an hour, and Elias and Ben both injured themselves trying to slide down it.

We were set to leave and got caught in a torrential downpour which left us clambering for shelter. We huddled under the awning of the little noodle/soup shop that locals had set up by the waterfall. The roof of it was all dried leaves, which ended up not working quite so well in so much rain. It kept springing leaks and the little Thai man would come over and stuff plastic bags through the tiny wooden slats to stave them. It worked well enough until another leak came along. Finally the rain lightened up enough that we decided to chance the ride back down to the city. We still got completely soaked, though. 

We ate lunch a little while later at a place called the Witching Well, where I got a vegetable tempura burger since I'd never heard of such a thing. Good life choice. It was delicious. Then we just lounged in hammocks in this little bar called Hi5. The owner was a little rasta Thai dude and his Australian girlfriend bartended. They were both really talkative and kind. We stayed there for about 5 hours lounging, talking, and playing pool. Finally we just went back to the hostel and had a mini pool party in the hostel's mini pool, and went to bed. 

Met with Elias for breakfast one last time before Char and I had to catch our bus back to Chiang Mai. Don't know the name of it, but it was only alright. Got back to Chiang Mai, ate dinner at Duke's and the headed back to Lamphun. Good four day week of teaching.

Things I have learned in Thailand

This list is likely to expand the longer I am here.

Concerning transportation:

1. If you are driving a motorcycle or scooter, it is ok to drive along the wrong side of the road if there is not yet a break in traffic for you to get to the correct side, or provided you are not going very far before turning. The definition of what is very far is variable and subjective. 

The sidewalk is also an acceptable place to drive a motorcycle or scooter.

2. Helmets are not necessary unless it is night time, or you are going on a long journey. If you are going only a short way at night, helmets are optional then too. 

3. When on a scooter or motorcycle, it is only ok to stay behind a car when the road is very congested. Otherwise, the rule is "me first," and you can pass to either side. If you are in a car and behind another very slow car, so long as there are no other cars coming, you pass. Motorcycles or scooters in the oncoming lane do not count as cars. You pass.

4. The proper road etiquette for a motorbike can be summed up thusly: if it fits, I sits. You are expected to weave through stopped traffic at a light so that you can have the spot in front.

5. Driving drunk is ok, so long as you just go really slowly and drive very carefully. Both slow and careful are also subjective terms.

6. In America, when someone flashes their lights and/or honks the horn, it means they are being polite and letting another driver have right of way. In Thailand, flashing one's lights and/or honking means "If you value your life or extremities, get the fuck out of the way I'm coming through!"

7. Sidewalks are an acceptable place to park anything. People don't need them to walk on, that's what the streets are for. Just as well anyway, because dogs generally decide that the sidewalk is the most comfortable place for a shit.

Concerning markets:

1. If you are in town on a Friday night, you go to the market. Even if you don't need anything, you go. Everyone who's anyone is at the market. 

2. Everything is cheaper at the markets, from fruit to underwear to puppies. You can find just about anything you need at the markets, excepting alcohol. For that, you go the the bars conveniently behind the market, or you just pop down to 7-11.

3. People stop immediately when they see something they like. Moving over before stopping is not a concept most follow, to the effect that sometimes you have clusterfucks. If you are not paying attention, you may also walk into people that have just stopped short in front of you. Clearly, this is your fault and you are to be glared at, you silly foreigner. 

Concerning food:

1. Proper silverware etiquette is spoon in the right hand, fork in the left. You shovel food onto your spoon with the fork. The fork is mainly for distribution of food. There are no knives, that's what the spoon is for. If something cannot be cut with your spoon then you had a bad cook who should have made it bite sized to begin with.

2. Food is cheaper and better at the market or street stand than you would find in a restaurant. There may not be a place to sit, and you may be eating Pad Thai with what are essentially shortened skewers, but it will be cheap and tasty.

3. Sometimes you have to fight flies if you want to eat. Swat the army of flies away with one hand, shovel noodles in your face with the other. 

4. There are vegetables in very few things. Those few things have very few vegetables in them. Meals consist of rice and/or noodles and some form of protein. Here in Lamphun, that protein is pork more often than not. Also, egg is in everything.

5. One drinks alcohol with copious amounts of ice and water. Beer must  be topped off with at least three ice cubes. Whiskey is one part whiskey, three parts water and three parts soda water. Asking for coke makes you a drug addict. Or a foreigner.

Concerning language:

1. Most Thais know two phrases: "Hello!" and "Where you go?" You will hear those two phrases so many times you will dream of creative ways to murder the next person that says them to you.

2. If they know more phrases than the above two, they will use them. Even in passing or while you are walking away and with no context, just to prove to you that they can. 

If they do not know more, they will begin speaking to you in Thai and expect you to understand anyway.

3. If you are in a restaurant and cannot name something you want to eat, you will be brought a menu. 4 times out of 5, it will be in Thai and the server will expect you to be able to read it, as they might point to things that you should think are desirable.

Concerning schools:

1. Read number one Concerning language.

2. If the kids know you do not know Thai, they will then try to only speak to you in Thai. When you respond that they should be speaking English, they will say "Teacher! Sa-peak THAI!" 

If it is not a game, Thai kids do not care about it. They will then ask for the entire class time, "Teacher! Next week, game?"

3. Copying someone else's schoolwork is to be encouraged. If you don't know the answer yourself, someone else's is good enough. It's not really cheating, it's being helped by a classmate.

4. If you don't understand something, don't you dare say so. Thai teachers will just tell you it doesn't matter, and besides, you can trade those math answers you don't know for your science paper. When in doubt, cheat. 

4. Twenty kids yelling different things at once is an acceptable way to communicate with the teacher.

5. There is almost never a full school week. School is mostly an excuse to have tournaments and celebrations, and cheap (meaning free) labor for frilly decorations with which to impress official, usually government, folk.

Miscellaneous weird shit:

1. Seen in Pai: a two-foot long rat tail.... Dreadlock.

2. Seen in Lamphun: a man walking his birds. Seriously. He had like 6 or 7 bright green and yellow birds, just a a-hoppin' along on the sidewalk as he muttered to them and swept the laggers along.

Quick note

It is now the start of week 10, and I have yet to have every single class in a week that I am supposed to have. For one reason or another, either I miss a whole day of classes or I am just one or two classes short in the week due to "activity." Next week will make 11 weeks. This week I missed yesterday because our field trip returned at 430am and we were allowed the day off. Next Monday is the queen's birthday, so we have that off. The week after that, week 12, we may be missing that Wednesday to go to Lampang for visa things.

Sometimes, this job is pretty sweet.