Lampang weekend

Went to Lampang a couple weekends ago for TTC. Am now officially TEFL certified, much good may it do me. It's only a 60 hour certification, and most English teaching jobs require double that. 

In all, it wasn't a complete waste of a weekend. It was really good to see everyone, and I met the newest member of our program, a girl named Emily. She's with the Chaiyaphum group, came in from UGA at the beginning of August. She seems really nice, I look forward to more group shenanigans to get to know her more. 

I got to Lampang that Friday with Ben, we'd left school early. Checked in to our usual Kim City hotel, and found there were already a good few folks there. We had to meet in the conference room for the beginning of our panel discussions, which were about our experiences in our towns teaching as well as  what we thought about orientation and how helpful it was for our lives now. After much riveting discussion, we had dinner and adjourned early. Everyone else went out to bars and clubs, but I just wasn't feeling it and ended up going back to the room and read instead. Turned in early.

Saturday was fairly slow. We had more panel discussions and then had dinner together in the meeting room. That night we went out again. Bou, Amaka, Char and I accompanied Chase, Nabi,l and Sean to watch a football game. We ended up at a local Thai bar that was playing three, back to back. After a little while, Ben and Merhawi joined us. I left around 1130 as everyone else went to another bar and wandered around Lampang for a while. I found a lot of great junk! Got back to the hotel around 1230 and went to bed.

Got up Sunday morning and went down to breakfast. Turns out the Sunday meeting was rather pointless, all TTC wanted from us was a quote and a bio for their website. Sent them a quote, thanks to Howard for the assist: "I came to Thailand because it was here, because this place offered me experiences so far beyond my hometown as to be nearly alien in nature. I came because Thailand was here, but I have stayed because of my students, because of these wonderful chatterboxes of culture and inquiry. I give them a second language. They give me a second life." 

I promise you, it is intended with every bit of sarcasm you think it is :). Still haven't turned in a bio. Oops. 

After we all realized the Sunday morning meeting was just info wrangling, we parted ways and hung around Lampang. Bou, Nabil, Amaka and I all went to get a massage at the place we like that's right in front of Kim City Hotel. Then we went to a local farang hangout where i had a delicious fajita. Mmmmexican. Weekend overall was nice and relaxing, and I had a good time with folks I don't see very often. 

Pai times

I am the worst at blogging regularly. 

I left school a little early on the 9th, as I was headed to Chiang Mai to visit the doc. Didn't end up happening, but I had a night in Chiang Mai nonetheless. Ben and Char were supposed to be headed to Pai but as I was sitting in the common room at Deejai, they came waltzing in. We headed out for some dinner, and ended up at a little Italian place inside old city. Char and I got pizza, which was alright but did not satisfy us like the ones at Duke's. we found ourselves next at a stand by Tapae Gate called Cocktail Cycle Chiang Mai. It was elevated and we climbed up to sit onto padded bicycle seats. We spent about three hours talking to the bartender, Mr. Keng. Definitely going back there. 

After that we ended up at a club called Spicy, which I only mostly remember. Apparently that night was my first ride in a tuk-tuk, but I certainly don't remember that. 

Somehow I got back to the hostel; I woke up at 5 in the bathroom shower, water running. I got up, crawled into bed and went to sleep. 

We all headed to Pai Saturday around noon. It was a long, wind-y, three hour trip through the mountains. Char and I were in the van of a man who clearly thought he was a race car driver. Between slamming on brakes and driving squarely in the middle of the road, we had an interesting ride. In Pai, it took us about 45 minutes to walk to our hostel; Darling View Point was a good several kilometers from the bus station. It was a beautiful walk though with some great views overlooking the city and the river. We were in an old style Thai house that had been converted into a dorm style hostel, beds on the floor and everything.

We had dinner at a local place called Maya Burger Queen. It was delicious, although Gekko Gardens in Chiang Mai is better. We sat at a place just down the road called Ting Tong and chilled for a few hours after that. A cool German dude named Elias made our acquaintance and we sat and talked to him and other farang for a good while. We turned in around midnight with an agreement to meet Elias for breakfast the next morning.

We met Elias at the concrete bridge near our hostel around 9 and headed to a little Thai restaurant for breakfast. I had a delicious omelet with tomatoes and onion and some toast. And coffee. Always coffee. We went to a little place called Aya after that and rented motorbikes. Pai is a lot more fun with motorbikes. After we filled up the tanks, we went to a waterfall north of the city. It was a really fun ride even though it was full of potholes and shittily maintained roads. 

The water was freezing, but I got in anyway. The waterfall was really pretty. We stayed for about an hour, and Elias and Ben both injured themselves trying to slide down it.

We were set to leave and got caught in a torrential downpour which left us clambering for shelter. We huddled under the awning of the little noodle/soup shop that locals had set up by the waterfall. The roof of it was all dried leaves, which ended up not working quite so well in so much rain. It kept springing leaks and the little Thai man would come over and stuff plastic bags through the tiny wooden slats to stave them. It worked well enough until another leak came along. Finally the rain lightened up enough that we decided to chance the ride back down to the city. We still got completely soaked, though. 

We ate lunch a little while later at a place called the Witching Well, where I got a vegetable tempura burger since I'd never heard of such a thing. Good life choice. It was delicious. Then we just lounged in hammocks in this little bar called Hi5. The owner was a little rasta Thai dude and his Australian girlfriend bartended. They were both really talkative and kind. We stayed there for about 5 hours lounging, talking, and playing pool. Finally we just went back to the hostel and had a mini pool party in the hostel's mini pool, and went to bed. 

Met with Elias for breakfast one last time before Char and I had to catch our bus back to Chiang Mai. Don't know the name of it, but it was only alright. Got back to Chiang Mai, ate dinner at Duke's and the headed back to Lamphun. Good four day week of teaching.

Things I have learned in Thailand

This list is likely to expand the longer I am here.

Concerning transportation:

1. If you are driving a motorcycle or scooter, it is ok to drive along the wrong side of the road if there is not yet a break in traffic for you to get to the correct side, or provided you are not going very far before turning. The definition of what is very far is variable and subjective. 

The sidewalk is also an acceptable place to drive a motorcycle or scooter.

2. Helmets are not necessary unless it is night time, or you are going on a long journey. If you are going only a short way at night, helmets are optional then too. 

3. When on a scooter or motorcycle, it is only ok to stay behind a car when the road is very congested. Otherwise, the rule is "me first," and you can pass to either side. If you are in a car and behind another very slow car, so long as there are no other cars coming, you pass. Motorcycles or scooters in the oncoming lane do not count as cars. You pass.

4. The proper road etiquette for a motorbike can be summed up thusly: if it fits, I sits. You are expected to weave through stopped traffic at a light so that you can have the spot in front.

5. Driving drunk is ok, so long as you just go really slowly and drive very carefully. Both slow and careful are also subjective terms.

6. In America, when someone flashes their lights and/or honks the horn, it means they are being polite and letting another driver have right of way. In Thailand, flashing one's lights and/or honking means "If you value your life or extremities, get the fuck out of the way I'm coming through!"

7. Sidewalks are an acceptable place to park anything. People don't need them to walk on, that's what the streets are for. Just as well anyway, because dogs generally decide that the sidewalk is the most comfortable place for a shit.

Concerning markets:

1. If you are in town on a Friday night, you go to the market. Even if you don't need anything, you go. Everyone who's anyone is at the market. 

2. Everything is cheaper at the markets, from fruit to underwear to puppies. You can find just about anything you need at the markets, excepting alcohol. For that, you go the the bars conveniently behind the market, or you just pop down to 7-11.

3. People stop immediately when they see something they like. Moving over before stopping is not a concept most follow, to the effect that sometimes you have clusterfucks. If you are not paying attention, you may also walk into people that have just stopped short in front of you. Clearly, this is your fault and you are to be glared at, you silly foreigner. 

Concerning food:

1. Proper silverware etiquette is spoon in the right hand, fork in the left. You shovel food onto your spoon with the fork. The fork is mainly for distribution of food. There are no knives, that's what the spoon is for. If something cannot be cut with your spoon then you had a bad cook who should have made it bite sized to begin with.

2. Food is cheaper and better at the market or street stand than you would find in a restaurant. There may not be a place to sit, and you may be eating Pad Thai with what are essentially shortened skewers, but it will be cheap and tasty.

3. Sometimes you have to fight flies if you want to eat. Swat the army of flies away with one hand, shovel noodles in your face with the other. 

4. There are vegetables in very few things. Those few things have very few vegetables in them. Meals consist of rice and/or noodles and some form of protein. Here in Lamphun, that protein is pork more often than not. Also, egg is in everything.

5. One drinks alcohol with copious amounts of ice and water. Beer must  be topped off with at least three ice cubes. Whiskey is one part whiskey, three parts water and three parts soda water. Asking for coke makes you a drug addict. Or a foreigner.

Concerning language:

1. Most Thais know two phrases: "Hello!" and "Where you go?" You will hear those two phrases so many times you will dream of creative ways to murder the next person that says them to you.

2. If they know more phrases than the above two, they will use them. Even in passing or while you are walking away and with no context, just to prove to you that they can. 

If they do not know more, they will begin speaking to you in Thai and expect you to understand anyway.

3. If you are in a restaurant and cannot name something you want to eat, you will be brought a menu. 4 times out of 5, it will be in Thai and the server will expect you to be able to read it, as they might point to things that you should think are desirable.

Concerning schools:

1. Read number one Concerning language.

2. If the kids know you do not know Thai, they will then try to only speak to you in Thai. When you respond that they should be speaking English, they will say "Teacher! Sa-peak THAI!" 

If it is not a game, Thai kids do not care about it. They will then ask for the entire class time, "Teacher! Next week, game?"

3. Copying someone else's schoolwork is to be encouraged. If you don't know the answer yourself, someone else's is good enough. It's not really cheating, it's being helped by a classmate.

4. If you don't understand something, don't you dare say so. Thai teachers will just tell you it doesn't matter, and besides, you can trade those math answers you don't know for your science paper. When in doubt, cheat. 

4. Twenty kids yelling different things at once is an acceptable way to communicate with the teacher.

5. There is almost never a full school week. School is mostly an excuse to have tournaments and celebrations, and cheap (meaning free) labor for frilly decorations with which to impress official, usually government, folk.

Miscellaneous weird shit:

1. Seen in Pai: a two-foot long rat tail.... Dreadlock.

2. Seen in Lamphun: a man walking his birds. Seriously. He had like 6 or 7 bright green and yellow birds, just a a-hoppin' along on the sidewalk as he muttered to them and swept the laggers along.

Quick note

It is now the start of week 10, and I have yet to have every single class in a week that I am supposed to have. For one reason or another, either I miss a whole day of classes or I am just one or two classes short in the week due to "activity." Next week will make 11 weeks. This week I missed yesterday because our field trip returned at 430am and we were allowed the day off. Next Monday is the queen's birthday, so we have that off. The week after that, week 12, we may be missing that Wednesday to go to Lampang for visa things.

Sometimes, this job is pretty sweet.

God comes down to scratch that

Here are my notes from the field trip this weekend:

730 pm Friday--

This is definitely a surreal experience. These kids are a trip and a half. They're so excited, and the driver's put on a mix CD so they're dancing in the aisles and up to 13 year old shenanigans. This could only get more interesting. I plan on documenting this with pictures and stream of consciousness entries. 

Our buses look like they were designed by the Thai Lisa Frank. I'm at the very front of the bus, sitting with Ami, which so far has been an interesting vantage point. I've got the big ass window view, but I am also unfortunately directly in front of the speaker, which has proved quite loud at points. Thank god for earplugs. And also thank god for ladyboys, because they will definitely be chief among my entertainment this weekend.  One of them has already donned a brunette wig and flower wreath.

This trip reminds me of my own to New York City when I was two years younger than these jokers. Only we weren't allowed to dance in the aisles then. 

830-- 

We're at song 23 of 38. Dear Lord these crazy children just pulled me into their dance party. There's a couple of them pushing me down into the rest, and the rest are cowering as I approach, because apparently my innocuous American dancing is not so innocuous here, and it makes some of them nervous. Funny what happens when you acknowledge that you have hips... I only just managed to escape, because we've now stopped at a gas station for a quick bathroom break. Oh Lord Jesus it's a fire.

1115--

All's quiet on the western front. We just finished watching a movie and I am amazed that the only sounds are the creaks and thumps and whooshes from the bus. Not even a whisper from these kids. They've just all accepted that it's sleepytime.

The movie we watched was of course entirely in Thai. It was a spoof of a famous Thai ghost story, Ami tells me. A Thai comedy group remade it, in essence. While I understood very few words, it was actually somewhat easy to follow plot-wise. I'd like to find it again sometime, I quite enjoyed it and if I could either find it subtitled or rewatch it once I understand more Thai I think that could be a thing.

The plot was this: the movie begins with a pregnant woman. We see blood start to run down her legs, she collapses and it cuts to men fighting in a war. Many are wounded but we see that one group makes it out and manages to help one of the guys get back home. When he gets there, the villagers act weird. Turns out that his wife died in childbirth and the whole village knows and won't tell him. His friends find out and try to tell him, sort of, I think. She starts to haunt them because they try to take her husband away from her.  The twist is that he knew  she was dead nearly the whole time, but didn't care because he loved her so much. He pretended he didn't know to make her happy. Somehow looking back through your legs lets you see if someone is a ghost/dead or not because that seems to be how the husband and one of his friends each knew. Overall, it seems like it could be a really freaky horror movie but as this one was a comedy, it was quite enjoyable.

Going back to my 6th grade trip, I was reminded that we watched the mummy and I was freaked out the whole time. I don't recall having gotten much of any sleep, I think we watched movies and talked the whole night so it's kind of a remarkable thing to me that I already hear snoring and not a single whisper from these kids. If only I can be so fortunate as to also catch some zzzzs, I will be satisfied. Good night all. 

830 am Saturday--

We are now apparently headed for Hall of Fame, a wax museum like a Thai Madame Toussaude's... I am intrigued. Not sure what the day holds entirely, as while I have the schedule I still can't read Thai. But I am working on that. They've been playing karaoke songs with both the characters and the phonetic English spelling so I've been trying to follow along somewhat and learn new things. 

We were woken up at quarter past 6 after fitful and shitty bus sleep, and I don't know if a coffee ocean would be big enough today. But Ami and I agree that it's too early for thinking and have been small talking instead. 

We stopped at a temple here to clean up and grab something to eat or coffee or what have you and yet again I have been surprised by these kids. That they were basically allowed with no supervision to run around and find food or do whatever for like an hour is very... different. I am definitely not used to the level of personal responsibility bestowed on 13 year olds that still act like, well, 13 year olds. I was not allowed this kind of freedom at 11 (thinking again on my New York City trip)  and I don't think any American teachers would allow their kids the same freedom these kids are capable of retaining. I suppose it's another one of those cultural peculiarities. 

230

I can now scratch several more things off my bucket list. While I still have yet to pet a monkey, I have now seen about half a hundred up close and have been chased down a hill by one. Of course I have (a few) pictures.

The "Thai human imagery" museum was creepy.  It was only one building with a sort of market-y area outside, complete with karaoke. Nothing is Thailand is anything if there isn't karaoke. We stayed there about an hour and then were back on the bus, this time to the former palace of Rama IV I think.... It was pretty interesting, an abandoned concrete monkey house now. The monkeys are everywhere, and they are aggressive. I had an empty coffee cup that many of them were trying to intimidate me and steal when I first got there, until I found a bin to throw it away. Win! On the way back down the mountain, a couple of monkeys managed to get two water bottles from the girls we were escorting. As I tried to take a picture of one of them, he all of a sudden decided I was not worthy of his sidewalk water (he'd unscrewed the cap and poured all the water on the ground to drink it), so he started to approach me, teeth bared. He got within about 6in and I realized probably was not going to stop, so I screamed like a wuss and ran to the bottom of the hill. Char said she thought that was the fastest she'd ever seen me move. 

I also have now had the famed Thai Coke-in-a-plastic-bag. And it has been the tastiest and least flat/syrupy Coke so far. I think that also counts as a win. The little vendor man shoveled ice into a plastic bag, cracked open a glass bottle, and poured it in. Then he shoved a straw through the ice and that was that. 

630pm Sunday

Today was spent at Dream World, what Thailand refers to as a theme park. My first thought upon seeing it was "oh, that's cute." These kids would lose their shit if ever they could go to 6 Flags. First I was wearing my harem pants but since it was so hot I decided it would be a better choice to wear my jeans again. By the time I had changed, Ben Alli and Char were inside and in line for something without me. I'd wanted to spend the day getting to know Ami better so it seemed I got my wish. We ate lunch, then went to ride some rides. First was a water ride called Grand Canyon. If we weren't soaked enough after that,  we got on Splash Mountain which finished the job. We were soaked to the bone but it was so much fun. We paused in the 4d show (a super cheesy short film about a guy in a lab that makes mutant bugs that flew out of the screen) on our way to the bus change into dry clothes. When we got back to the park, we stopped in the Giant's house and then walked to the Haunted House. Ami and I were both too wussy to go in just the two of us, so we waited until a group came along and eased into the middle of it. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it was pretty creepy when they'd shut off the lights for a few seconds and choose right after they lit again to have something jump right out at you. Ami spent the whole house with a death grip on my arm, and I spent it shoving into the guy in front of me and ducking under my hat brim.

We were at the park for around 5 hours, which seems now like an overly long time. The kids had a blast though, and so did I. It was a great time, and I'm really glad I got to hang out with Ami. 

We're now in the bus on the way home, music blasting. Thank god for ear plugs. Several things I have figured out about Thai music: they love canned beats. We've been listening to a CD of what sounds like the same song over and over. It's not though, I asked. They also love voice overs. And the whinier the singer, the better. Makes me want to claw my ears out sometimes. Friday night they turned everything off around 11... I can only hope they do the same tonight.

His name is Tata

So I really didn't have any classes today either. Out of the 3 I was supposed to have, one didn't show up, one I only taught a mini-lesson, and the last asked to leave early so they could get lunch before the procession. It was the beginning of a Buddhist holiday, and a day during which the kids took large candles that they had carved designs into, placed them in an ornate parade float type thing, and walked in their various class groups to deliver them to Wats around the city. Ben, Char and I went to Wat Chang Si with the green group. We tagged along with Char's Thai little sisters. It was an interesting and intensely hot walk. There were several sign holders, a group behind them holding offerings, then dancers behind them, the parade float being pulled and pushed that had the candle and several students perched atop it, and following behind were about 100-odd students. When we got to the Wat they all sat and prayed. Ben, Char and I left before the end and headed back to school. Char and Ben had to go travel, Ben to Chiang Mai and Char to Pattaya. Alli and I will be headed to Chiang Mai ourselves tomorrow.

Today, we went to walking street with one of my Thai little sisters, Jar, and a couple of her friends. Alli and I were on a mission to find Tata, one of our coworkers, a graduation present. It took us a little while but we finally found a kitschy photo holder that would suffice. We went after Walking Street to Tata's graduation party, which was at his house about a block and a half from the school. Holy karaoke. Seriously, from the time we got there until about 4 hours later when we left, so much Thai karaoke. They kept trying to get us to sing so we found a couple of English songs we knew to sing. Otherwise it was a time full of drinking and hilarity. Our little Japanese teacher man friend, Ryoma, was there and his English is "very casual." We got to hear him call himself a "real motha-fucka," and another teacher "bitch-ass," which I wish I could relay to you in his heavy Japanese accent. He learned most of his English from rap songs, he tells us. Ryoma got Tata a Doraemon bookbag like a 5 year old would wear. Tata wore it the entire night, and insisted every time Ryoma said his name that he instead be addressed as "Doraemon."

By the end of the party, Tata's father had invited me, Ryoma, and Alli to drink his Johnnie Walker with him at his table. While Alli and I were anxious at first, we definitely agreed by the end of the party that it was a good life choice. We cannot unhear the way Ryoma said some American curse words (hilarious... "Pan-ze-ass!"). My face still hurts from laughing, and we had a great if not fully awkward time at a Thai coworker's graduation party. 

Full week of classes... What's that?

So, there's yet another event at the school this week. We're hosting a nation-wide basketball tournament. For the past two days, we went from 50 minute classes to 40 minute classes so the kids could go rehearse for the opening ceremony. Today, we are also on a 40 minute schedule, but if the kids ask to go to watch the games we can give them permission. If we want to. Hah.

I went up for my first class, and 8 of my kids showed. I sat at the desk waiting for about 10 minutes when one of them came up to me and told me that the boys were away at camp (some JROTC thing I think), and "could they... free... to... to... cheer! To cheer at basketball?" So of course I said no, get your butts in this class by golly I'll just teach the 8 of you. 

In another dimension, maybe. I didn't really feel like teaching today anyway hahaha. I'm glad this country likes to make it easy on me. I had another class right after that one, but I waited for about 25 minutes and nobody showed. Finally I was on my way back to the office when I hear someone call down at me from the floor I'd just been waiting on. "Oh, teachaaaa!" they called. There were only 3 of them, and the others stopped along the sidewalk as they'd just been on their way to the stairs. I just waved and pointed, didn't even bother making them ask. When they understood their faces just beamed and they all bowed and said "Thank you teachaa! Thaaaaank you!" 

Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

I've gone to watch some of these games, and there are some BIG girls on these basketball teams. Thailand is really not a land of short people.

And as stated in the title, I have yet to have a single week since I got here in which I have seen every one of my classes I was supposed to. 

On another bright note, one of my classes has specifically asked me to teach them tenses (like past continuous and perfect tenses), because apparently they had them on the midterm and didn't know them. I love it when they know what they want me to teach, it helps me immensely.

Yesterday Dr. Nirund and Maaw Pet and Dr. Walker and his wife Beth all came for a short meeting and a visit. The meeting at school seemed pretty good, they just asked how we were fitting in, how our teaching was. Then we went out to dinner. Naturally, we took them to one of our favorite places that we can't afford very often... It was delicious, we all just ordered something and passed it around. We had chicken with cashews, a sweet and sour fish dish, pork spareribs (some with garlic, yum!), pad thai with omlette, frog in curry sauce (yes, frog, and it was also delicious), panko shrimp with chili sauce... There were more dishes but I forget what. And we got french fries, one of the few things I crave that I can actually get. Since it was Alli's birthday, Maaw Pet surprised her with a cake and bouquet of roses. It was really sweet. And I never say no to more cake!